Sunday, May 16, 2010

'Ard Boyz preliminary rounds are over!

Unless you have a life of real world cares to be concerned with chances are you spent this past Saturday with other fat smell guys trying desperately to out plastic-army-dice-roll each other. I know I did! If you finished in the top three you proved yourself 'ard and have been (or will be) invited to the semi finals in the secret location. I know I didn't!

DFG is spending this week doing post 'Ard boyz articles and a general over view of all of the exploits, conquests and failures of our writers who partook in this mecca of American 40k-dom.

Round 1-

Despite the clause that says "All attempts will be made that groups travelling together will not have to play each other" the Fortress in East Lansing made no attempts citing that it was too difficult and that 'the computer' is just randomizing it. Therefor I got to play my friend, Papa Nurgle. It was a tough match up because of the resilience of the nurgle, however my Medusas had something to say to his plaguebearers, but sadly my lascannons didn't have much to say to his demon princes or whatever they were. (4 monstrous creatures total)

We were able to play up to round 5 because of all the deepstrinking and me taking a while to decide my exact location for deployment. My allstar move for the game was tied between some poor flamers deepstriking too close to the inquisitor and having 3 Medusas land on them and kill them all before they even got to run or 3 Medusas clearing out 15 plaguebears via 3 Medusa shots. Papa's star move I'd have to say was his ability to really be successful in crushing my weak flank and moving all the way up it with his Demon Princess killing 1 Vendetta, 2 chimeras, 2 10 man vet squads, 2 hydraflaks and disabling my 3 Medusas for a turn before their rampage was ended.

The Round ended with 1 controlled and 1 contested each. I really botched this by not moving my vendetta with troops in it over to a complete uncontrolled objective. If I had done that it would have ended either 3-2 my victory or 1 contested, 2 me, 1 him and my victory. Oh well, in the end we learned that it was more important to get those victory points and naturally the battle points would follow (since you killed all their scoring units in theory) In the end we got a draw but I squeaked out about 1200 VP and Papa got about 900.

Round 2-

This round was a great round for me. I was faced with an Eldar player that went gun line with scatter lasers and bright lances. He did surprise me with his opening by flat out moving and star engining a grav tank with 6 fire dragons inside right into the middle of my force. I shot everything I had at it but between the +4 save and the Holo Field I couldn't kill it. It ended up pouring the dragons out but for some reason instead of shoot down my Medusa battery he killed my two hydra flak's. Next turn I flamed them down with a heavy flamer. After that it was pretty easy picking as I pie plated and las cannoned him to nothing, killing his avatar and then the rest of his guardians. I took on a side fight with my battle psykers and 2 vet squads versus some dire avengers, banshees and scorpions and cleared them out by the end of the game with only having some weapons destroyed off the chimeras.

In the end he managed to kill one Medusa, damage 2 Vendettas and a few chimeras and destroy my Flak battery. I, on the other hand, killed everything except 2 half squads of guardians and a lone dark reaper. I netted about 2300 VP and he only got around 400. I also had a scoring unit in every deployment zone, including his (however he had 2 so I didn't get that) and got a total of 20 KP for the massacre and the bonus.

I want to take a second though to say that my opponent was very young and by far the most well spirited, fun loving 40k player I ever played. I was nice to see the game through the eyes of a child (in this case, a 12 year old) and how much he just loved the game. I really took his attitude to heart and really really reflected on how much I want to be like him when it comes to 40k. His father was at the tournament and I took a second to talk to him and tell him how lucky he was to be able to share this with his kid. I hope that my daughter likes plastic army men because I'd love to share this hobby with her (though, I understand and won't make her if she doesn't want to) And for all of you gasping that I crushed a 12 year old, please keep reading to my round 3, Karma's a bitch.

Round 3-

Round 3 starts and I'm sitting in 4th place versus 3rd place. It's me and Dan, two veteran Fortress players on table 2, Evolution versus Fortress, rival same-town hobby stores, Blood Angels versus Guard.

Finally, I won first turn (Screw you, Emperor's Tarot of failure). I set up pretty squeezed in the middle of my deployment zone not knowing if he was going to scout his 2 Baals or not and to try and get everything near the Inquisitor so that he is limited in where he'll drop his dreads. I scout up my vendettas to good firing lanes and am set up for a great alpha strike on his 2 land raiders, 2 razor backs, Storm Raven, and 2 land raiders. After turn one the only thing he had left was 2 land raiders, 1 razorback, a Storm Raven and 2 land raiders. He was terrified of my alpha strike and almost gave up.

Needless to say, the remaining rounds for me went just about as well as that. The only thing I managed to kill of his was that razor back and the 5 man unit inside. I damaged most of the vehicles and dreads but didn't kill anything. In the end all I had left was 2 vet squads, one in a chimera, other on foot, and one PBS in a chimera. It was all horrible rolling. I didn't score a Vet squad LasCannon shot until turn 3 which means I missed at least 10 BS4 shots in a row. My vendettas on turn one all failed to pen or glance. Dan made cover saves like a champ, my Inquisitor couldn't hood anything. Even a drop pod landed right next to him and on 4d6 he rolled 2 2's and 2 1's to see it to get the free shots. It was terrible. I'm not one to say "Oh bad rolls man, that's what lost me the game" but every once in a while you'll hit a streak, and let me tell you, I hit a streak, FOR SURE.

We ended with him getting 20 KP, me getting 4KP, him getting around 1900 VP me getting about 900 VP and me ending my 'Ard boyz experience cursing the fickle dice gods who hated me because I beat up a 12 year old. Maybe next year.....

Be sure to write in your own experiences, placements, quirky moments, and opinions of the experiences (please don't write anything useless like "I hate 'ard boyz, its just a penis contest")


  1. My second game was a vortex of failure for me as well. I played a Tau army who was dropping my TH/SS assault terminators with Kroot Rifles. Not mass fire either, just the few models that happened to be in range. I ended up with a draw, but I can't for the life of me tell you how.

  2. We had some problems with having to face each other at pandamonium as well. We had 5 minutes to spare at the end of the lunch break but apparently they decided to start early and we lansing guys had to play each other. Granted Lord Solar Steve took second and Slocum took 3rd but Neil and I gave them a boost by loosing to them.

    I have to say I really hate space marines even more now. Combat teams are gay and machine spirits are even dumber.

  3. Sorry to hear about round three, but it is cool you had a great time.

    @SeerK, I read your batrep on your site man. Very nice stuff. I wish I could have gone out and threw down, but the needs of the real military prevented it this time. I am stoked that some players from Club Evo and DFG will be moving on to the next round. Wherever they go, I will be there to do video, you can count on that!