IG vs Eldar Battle Report

So I call up Farseer rerolls today to try out the Vendetta list. It was punishment. It felt like I was Amy Fisher and he was Joey Buttafuoco. I caused this, I initiated this meeting! I know this man, he is someone I consider a friend. I would never imagine he'd do this kind of thing to me! Hopefully this makes sense, I'm doing it from memory because my therapist says it the best way to deal with trauma.

I had my revised list with the 5 vendettas and the 2 valks. The revised one on my last thread.

Farseer had
farseer on a jetbike with 4 warlocks on jet bikes
2 wraithlords with missles
3x 8 pathfinders
6 swoop hawks
6 fire dragons in
1 grav tank with pulse laser and missle

I got first turn and held everything in reserve

turn 1 I do nothing, farseer moves some stuff around, spreading out the jet bikes on one flank against the board edge to make that side suck to come onto.

turn 2
2 valkyries show up, thank guys. 3+ on 4 units and a single squadron of valks show up. They come on to the opposite end that farseer has his jetbikes lined up on, dump out the PCS with 3 flamers and a heavy flamer and flame down a unit of pathfinders. This seems awesome, I showed those pathfinders whats up.

Farseer takes some pot shots with one squad of pathfinders at the ccs killing one, I pass my pin check, life goes on for them. He shoots a missle pod off one of the valkyries with a wraithlord. Grav tank and jet bikes start to turbo boost to the center of the board.

turn 3
2 vendettas show up. 2+ to get units on and a single squadron shows up again. Way to be on the ball guys. Luckily at least I was able to pick the board edge and I showed up on the same far edge as my valks. The vendettas come on, take two las cannon shots at the grav tank and shake it and destroy the pulse laser, cool I was really worried about that pulse laser and not the 6 dragons inside. I can tell that this point I've got this game in the bag, I mean, what's he going to do without his pulse laser?! The PCS get back in the valk and move 12" towards the pathfinders, drop 2 rocket pods on them and do nothing. I forgot to shoot my multilasers (this is what lost me the game, I just know it!) and move on to farseers turn.

Farseer's dragons come out of the grav tank with thier game faces on. The jumped out of that grav tank and were like "WTF, bro! You shot off my pulse laser and bent my fucking rims!" and proceeded to shoot them bottom down for dissing their ride. The vet squad lost 4 or 5 guys and the CCS loss two guys and pass their pin check. The pathfinders shoot the CCS's last remaining remaining yutzes and the commander is like AAHH MOTHER RUSSIA! and high tails it off the board.
The two wraithlords shoot again at the valkyries and stun the one missing a pod, again. The swooping hawks move closer.

Turn 4
Still no marbo. After seeing the commander run off I think he's trying to slip off the board and not be a part to this embarrassment like when you used to deny that crazy bitch looking at wooden shelves and dolls stuff with synthetic hay in Kirkland's was your mom. I digress.
The remaining squad of 3 vendettas show up and try to finish off that oh-so-dangerous grav tank and immobilize it (It's stuck facing backwards now, so HA!) and blow off the missle launcher. Problem averted! Thankfully it got immobilized WAAAAY away from my forces and before it even got to dump out the dragons, right? Right.
The special weapon squad got out, flamed and shot up the fire dragons and killed a few. The one not stunned Valkyrie fired on the pathfinders and it ended up scattering 11" onto my clumped up, vet squad killing 5 of them leaving just the sergeant. My remaining sergeant charges the two remaining firedragons and gets bitch slapped by his exarch who will from here on be known as Xerxes. (not because he killed a veteran sergeant, but because he conquered everything he rests his eyes upon). He consolidates closer to the Valkyries.

Farseers turn was epic. He runs over to my vendetta squadron with his 4 warlocks and a farseer and wrecks all three vendettas. Two Infantry squads and a special weapon squad dump out. One infantry squad gets pinned. His 2 remaining fire dragons down the two valkries I lose 2 out of the PCS and 3 out of the Special weapon squad from the explosions. PCS gets pinned. His pathfinders kill off my remaining special weapon squad. The swooping hawks move closer. the Wraith lords do something, doesn't really matter, I'm sure they killed or stunned or did something effective.

Turn 5 (the 1296 turn)
Marbo shows up because he has too. He doesn't really want to so he decided to arm his demo charge with ticker tape to celebrate the eldars decisive victory and throws it at the swooping hawks. Despite being ticker tape it manages 4 wounds. The Hawks panic (they've dealt with marbo before because swooping hawks are very important to kill as soon as possible, definitely the largest threat on the table at this point.) and thinking the pack is going to explode go to ground MAKING 4 6+ COVER SAVES. I scoop and go home to beat my dog.

5 to 1 vp eldar win. I did learn a lot though. And no animals were harmed in the having or aftermath of this battle.